Hey. It’s been a while again. I’ve been so busy the past weeks that’s why I couldn’t find time to write anything. It’s been tough but I survived it, like I always do. Those weeks of tons of academic requirements to accomplish seemed endless, but they always pass. And now I’m finally back home with my family, my mind taking a break from all the stress and pressure in school. My heart was really happy. I woke up to the nice view of the lake near my house. Then my little sister came to room. She was in a good mood as well. Soon, I found myself being chased by my little sister and my parents to my room to tickle me. It was a morning full of laughter. It was like a scene from a TV commercial; too good to be true for me. I was so happy that I got so scared. I always had this nagging voice at the back of my mind to not feel extreme emotions. Because I knew that once I reached the peak of a moment of happiness, I was bound to feel the exact opposite soon.
And it did came the same morning–the sad news. I can’t help my tears as I am writing this. I still can’t believe it. I have this relative whose name is Ate Lanie. She was one of the kindest people I’ve met. I was rarely comfortable with other relatives but she’s an exception. She had this warm vibe that lets you easily get comfortable with her. I grew up really familiar and comfortable with her. Now that I’m trying to recall all our interactions since I was young, I realized that I barely remember most of it. But I remember how every time we would see each other, she would ask, how I was. And I always felt that it was genuine. And there’s this one memory with her that left a mark on me. It was back in highschool, Christmas season. her family was somehow struggling financially. But they probably had some extra money that time, that’s why she gave me and my lola a small present. It wasn’t anything much. Just a small display–a small globe that lights up with a fake rose inside. She could’ve just saved it but she instead thought of buying us small presents. She was so generous. And she was always there to take care of people. I remember when I would get sick when I was a kid, she would be there to help my lola take care of me. She’s used to the hospitals because her sons would frequently get sick too when they were kids. And I must say that she’s smart. She has easily familiarized herself with some medical terms because of always going to the hospital. If only she had the chance to study, I think she’ll do well in the sciences. I hope in her next life, she’ll finally experience a comfortable life she deserves. She’s too good and too selfless for this world.
I will never forget her smile and her unique laughter. Until now it pains me and I can’t believe that she has left this world now. I will probably not be used to going to Naga and not having an Ate Lanie to expect to see or to talk to. My tears still won’t stop. Fuck cancer. Especially that fucking lung cancer that took both Ate Lanie and Lolo Pogi. I know I can’t do anything but I can only pray that their souls are now free of any pain. I pray that their souls are now in a good place. I hope they are with God.
Just like the fake rose in that small gift Ate Lanie gave me, her memories will not wither in my heart. I will always remember the good and loving person that she was.
May you rest in peace, Ate Lanie. I will miss you.