Every Day6 era has officially ended yesterday. It’s already been more than 6 hours since the Encore Concert ended, but until now I can’t stop thinking about it. Being the int’l My Day that I am, I just audio streamed. But I felt like I was there too, that until now, at almost 3 am, I can’t get over it. I’m really thankful for deciding to stan Day6. My irls couldn’t and probably will never understand why I love them so much. But since stanning Day6, I really became happier. I always had something to look forward to, even when things were getting tough for me in school. Day6’s songs always accompanied me in my all-nighters. And the boys always keep me motivated with their words. Cheesy, but they know how to comfort me even when they don’t know me personally. Their music just heals me. Their songs are my blanket of comfort when I feel down. And listening to their songs to start my day automatically puts me in a good mood. They helped me get through my toxic 3rd year 1st semester–with just their music. I’ve been listening to their songs every single day since July until now, and I still don’t get sick of them. It’s that good.
I’m also really thankful for my fellow My Days. When I was on my lowest last sem, My Days were there for me. There was a time when I asked if anyone was willing to talk to me. I couldn’t talk about my problem to my irls then because I thought I’d feel more comfortable to open up to people who don’t know me personally. But then I was so surprised that a lot of My Days replied to that tweet and even DM-ed saying they were willing to listen. I was really touched. And since then, I knew that My Day fandom is the best fandoms I’ve ever been part of. My favorite moment with them is every concert time, most of my tl would audio stream and we would live tweet together. It was really fun.
I wasn’t there with Day6 since the beginning of their journey. But I’m so proud of how far they’ve come and how our fandom just keeps on growing. They’re not yet as big as the popular groups now, but they’re doing well. We’ll get there, slowly but surely. Olympic Hall is just one of their many dreams that they will achieve. The’ll get more recognition and they will achieve more. Because that’s what they deserve.
Anyway, this is so unorganized again. I still have a lot to say but I’m getting sleepy now and I’m not sure what exactly I’m talking about again lmaooooo. But I just want to say that I love Day6 so much. I’m so proud of them. I can’t wait for more people to discover the goodness of Day6 songs.
Mom, I’m so tired these days. I’m tired of school. I just wanna go home and play with with my little sister. I don’t want to think of anything else. It’s past 2 am but here I am, crying as I am writing this. I’m so frustrated. I haven’t even officially started on my thesis but it’s exhausting me already. I just finished trying to look for new thesis topics since the first one would most likely be scratched. I’m trying, mom. But it’s so hard. Things are still not going well even when I’m giving my best. It’s late in the evening so I couldn’t call or message you. I don’t wanna disturb you because I know you’ve been tired from taking care of my sister for the whole day. I don’t wanna add to your stress. I didn’t expect 3rd year will be this tiring. But I’ll try harder, mom. I’ll do my best. This will pass. I will feel better again. And I’ll overcome this as I always do.
Heyyy. Idk what this post will be about tbh. It’s just probably your typical 3 am thoughts (although it’s actually half past 3 already). I’m just not sure what’s wrong with me these days. I felt happy and motivated in the past weeks but these days, something feels wrong. I’ve been feeling down for no reason. Or is it because I’m being kinda sensitive and overworrying and overthinking a lot of things? I’m not sure too. Even this post is pointless. Irdk. I just want to let things out, I wanna take some weight off my chest although I’m not sure what exactly they are. I’ve been feeling so tired today too even when I didn’t really do much. This reminds me why I feel scared of extreme emotions. I always believed that I shouldn’t feel too happy because it means I would feel the exact opposite after some time. But isn’t that what life is? You have good days; yu have bad days. Everything is just a cycle. You can’t always be happy. You’re not always on top of the world. There are days when you would feel low, but that’s okay. It’s normal to have those sad days. What’s important is that you will find your way back to your spring, when flower would bloom inside you, and the youthfulness inside you would reflect in your mood. Perhaps we all have seasons inside us. Maybe it’s winter inside me. It’s cold and I just wanna wrap myself with some warmth and be alone.
I love spending time with the people I love but at the end of the day, I want to have my time alone. I would always feel guilty for not being able to catch up with friends in GCs. Most of the time I tend to forget because I rarely open facebook and when I use my laptop, I don’t check my phone at all. Even to my high school friends, I almost don’t talk to them anymore just because I’m too lazy to chat and keep conversations going. I stil consider myself awkward with replying too. I guess I can be really self-centeered sometimes. I only do things when it’s convenient and comfortable for me. Is that still considered self-care? That, I’m not sure of. But last sem was too toxic that I don’t want to compromise anything anymore. I don’t want to get too stressed and let things consume me, until I lose myself–my motivation, my passion. I don’t want to go back to that feeling anymore. I’m gaining myself back and I hope I would remain happy, despite the days like this when I feel down.
It’s funny because this sort of journal entry is as random and as unorganized as it is. I’m not sure what exactly what I wanted to say for this entry. But it made me feel good for being able to put my thoughts and worries into words. Hope you feel better soon, Shynne.
As always, you got this 🌸
Totoo yata ang nabasa ko na “kung gusto mong magsulat nang magsulat, magbasa ka nang magbasa.” Nung nakaraang linggo lang ako nagsimulang magbasa ulit ng libro. Biglaan lang, halos di ko na napag-isipan. Basta kinuha ko na lang yung Norwegian Wood ni Haruki Murakami noong nasa bookstore ako. Napag-interesan ko ito dahil paborito siyang libro ng dalawa sa mga miyembro ng paborito kong banda. Hindi siya gaya ng mga nakasanayan kong YA books na binabasa ko noon. Mero maganda siya at madali kong naiimagine ang mga kinukwento niya. Isang araw, namalayan ko na lang na nagsusulat na pala ulit ako. Meron na ulit mga karakter na nag-uusap sa isip ko. Halos isang taon na ata nakalipas simula nung huli akong nagsulat. Wala namang espesyal. Pangkaraniwan lang ang kwento. Pero ito yung kwento na natural lang na may diyalogo ang mga karakter sa isip ko, hindi ko na kailangang pag-isipan nang maigi. Masaya ako. Ang tagal kong hinintay na makapagsulat ulit ng kwento. At ito yata ang unang kwento kong kilala ko ang bawat karakter. Alam ko ang personalidad nila. Dati kasi ay hirap ako sa aspetong ito. Pero ngayon ay masaya talaga ako sa sinisimulan kong kwento kasi simple lamang ito. Sana ay matapos ko ito, tutal ay alam ko na rin ang wakas (na dati’y hindi ko naman pinag-iisipan tuwing may sisimulan akong kwento). Pakiramdam ko ay bumabalik ang sarili ko noong hayskul–yung masaya lang na nagsusulat ng kwento, di bale na kung pangkaraniwan, ang importante ay may naikukwento.
I always knew this about myself but it was only a few days ago that I realized and put it into words: ambitous. I just have a lot of goals and dreams in life, and for some reason, despite everything, I believe in myself. I believe that after all these failures and slow pace in catching up with everyone else, I’ll get there. I trust myself a lot and I don’t even know where it’s coming from.
We went to Star City after our requirement to watch in Ballet Manila. We tried this thing called Star Frisbee. It turns and sways as it goes higher, and when you reach the top, you’d be turned upside down. But at the peak of the thrilling ride, I just heard myself screaming “magiging successful ako! (I will be successful!)”. And that’s when I fully realized that it’s my top desire in life. I want to be successful. Of course it’s still a long way to go and I still have to experience a lot. But I’m really happy and proud of myself for being more patient these days. I’m slowly starting to enjoy the process. And where else will I learn this? Of course it’s from Day6’s Jae. That dude is such a meme on Twitter but he’s really inspirational when he speaks sincerely.
But going back, I realized a new interest lately: advertising. I’m not sure when exactly it started but I just realized that I’m so passionate and interested when it comes to advertising. It’s the field that I really want to take for my internship. Perhaps for now that’s the goal I have in mind. But my dream is still to be a screenwriter or maybe a movie director. I’m scared though. My passion, interest, and skills match advertising but my personality. Work’s supposed to be 24/7 because you have to be ready anytime of the day. But the whole world knows I hate checking messages; I hate chatting; I hate online conversations. Once I’m home, I want all time for myself. Human interaction is done, I’ve done my part. But then again, the world won’t adjust for me. No more considerations. That is just one of the many things I have to prepare for if I wanted to work in an advertising agency.
We also have an upcoming project in our Adver class which is making Ad Campaign. I’m really excited to work on it. My groupmates aren’t exactly close with each other but I hope it will be easy to work and collaborate with everyone.
It’s almost 3am and here I am, crying over Day6. Sometimes my love for this band gets a little overwhelming; I couldn’t help but be emotional. I’m tired of shows being so careless with Day6 just because they ain’t big yet. They never get their name right when it’s just as simple as “Day6”, they disrespect them by not giving the stage they deserve where they could shine in MAMA, they “mistakenly” used a photo of another band when it’s just so easy to search for Day6 photos, and the list goes on. Day6 is such an amazing band. They succesfully finished their EveryDay6 project where they released new songs, an MV, and even hold concerts every month—a total of 25 songs and 25 concerts. All that and somehow they are still not as recognized as they deserve to be. They deserve more. They deserve everything. I’m honestly getting impatient. I just want more people to discover and listen to their songs. But I believe in time, they’ll get big. They’ll get there. They’ll achieve their dreams and more. And as Pau (one of my mutuals said),
“Success is sweeter when it’s not earned overnight. Like scaling a treacherous mountain, each painstaking little step is significant towards getting to the top.”
But for now, I’m still very proud of how far they’ve come. The fandom grew and I’m sure the boys know how loved they are. We are lucky to have each other. Cheesy, but Day6 and My Days are my home. When things get tough or when I wanted escape real life, they are the ones there to comfort me and cheer up. When I lose motivation, they are the ones who help me get back up and keep pushing forward.
I love them with my whole heart.
Hey. I can’t believe I’m writing again. I might as well keep up this sort of journal entries. Anyway, in case you’re wondering what’s with the weird title, Better Better is actually the title of a Day6 song from the Moonrise album. It’s my current favorite song and one of the songs I love listening to in the morning while preparing to go to school. It just automatically puts me in a good mood. Sometimes it even motivates me to do anything. It has just THAT impact on me. And it’s so weird because I’ve been feeling too motivated lately; I wanted to do so many things and I get frustrated that I couldn’t do them all at once. I want to catch up on Day6 all day, I want to write a fanfic, I want to write a blog, I want to start reading a novel again, but I also want to focus on finishing my resume and CV for internship applications. But it makes me happy. I feel… passionate again. It’s been months since I was on the mood to do all these for myself and for the reason that I was happy doing them. For the past months, I feel like I was only doing things for the sake of it or because it’s a requirement. Maybe it’s also the reason I lost interest in these things. I hate the feeling of being forced or told to do things. I want to move on my own will, at my own pace. But the real world doesn’t really work that way. You’re not that special for everyone to adjust for you. You have to adapt to the world around you. You have to meet people in the middle. Not everything has to go your way. I guess this is also what I need to remember because I keep forgetting it. This is one of the things I hate about me, though. I don’t say anything but this voice at the back of my mind always wants things to go according to her plans or what she wants. Okay–I actually don’t know why I’m suddenly saying this. I’m just writing whatever. I just want to let out all my thoughts in hopes of lessening overthinking, unlike the usual. I always feel like my subtle awkwardness is annoying. I’m annoying. I’m really trying to be nice and all, but I still end up doing and saying things that I regret and overthink every day. Not even exaggerating. Although I think I’m improving. It’s not as bad as it is back in high school. I feel good these days.
I’m also happy that I’m not stressing much about the internships anymore. I now have plans on the companies I want to apply for and I have also started on my resume and CV already. I’m actually feeling a little excited now (which I hope I won’t regret later on). I’m looking forward to the learning experience. School’s still pretty chill. It seems like it hasn’t officially started yet. Some professors are still not attending class and we don’t have much homeworks yet. But I hope once the shit tons of acad stuff to accomplish start, I will remain this positive. I’m genuinely feeling happy and motivated. I hope I’ll continue to be like this, even when the actual school works start.
You got this, Shynne 🌸
So uhhh… hi? It’s been almost a year since I actually wrote something. I really love the last story I wrote but I don’t know what happened after that. It felt like I poured everything in that story that I was left empty to start on something new. I just somehow lost interest after or maybe I just got a little busy while I prioritized something else too. My heart’s always been into ficition writing (since I’m not really good with creative writing) especially when I get too passionate at times, and I feel like I’m not really skilled with writing in general, unlike what most people assume from me. Fiction writing is the only thing I consider myself a little good at. So I decided to test or rather hone my skills in writing by applying to be a scriptwriter for TV shows in our school. At first I was ecstatic that I got in. I was really excited to work and I enjoyed what I was doing then. But then I was given two live TV shows to write, but I stuggled a lot with my 2nd show. That’s when I felt like things started going downhill. I began questioning my skills again. Can I really do this? Do I really have enough skills for this? Maybe this isn’t for me. I slowly lost the burning passion I have when I first started. It was slowly burning out. I wanted to quit. I felt so unmotivated. I didn’t want to do anything. My grades were starting to drop too, so I wanted to focus on studies and I didn’t want to think of work. I just wanna leave it all behind and ignore everything. Sometimes I look at my hardworking block mates (those who a lot of work at hand and are always busy with org work) and wonder how they do it, how they manage to do all kinds of work and still seem passionate. Meanwhile, I only have to write for 2 shows and it already felt too overwhelming that I had to resign from my other show. I really envy them.
But this year, I want to try it again–I want to try harder. I want to make better scripts for my show, learn more in graphic designing, and not lose passion for digital drawing again. I want to develop my own style more. Although I honestly admit that this new drive is partly because of internship. I feel like I really need to work this time in getting more work experiences. But more than the experiences to put on my resume, it is the process of enhancing my skills along the way.
“For the development of yourself, it’s not the results that matters. It’s the process.” – Jae (Day6)
This quote is from a member of my favorite South Korean band, Day6. It’s what I want to keep in mind for the whole year. Funny to mention this here but I’m actually a Taurean. And as a Taurean, it’s hard to get out of my comfort zone, and change scares us. But this time, I want to get out. I want to grow. I’m afraid but I want to try again.
I feel like along the way of losing interest in the things I used to be passionate about, I disappointed a lot of people. I rejected work offers and slacked off. I avoided them as much as possible. I didn’t like having a hard time or getting pressured. But in a few years, I’ll be going out to the real world. And you don’t really get to choose what you want to do in work. So now I want to regain people’s trust. I want to trust myself again, too. There’s a lot more skilled people out there, but I shall do my thing at my own pace.
We’ll get there, Shynne. You got this. 🌻
Lately, there’s a fire building up inside me. It felt unfamiliar at first but I realized it’s been there all along; I just refused to recognize.
Write without inhibitions. Just write no matter how bad or cliche or cheesy it gets. Just write. Let the pen serve its purpose. Let the keyboard feel your fingertips. Open the jar. Unlock the cage. Let the water flow. Let the birds escape. Let your ideas be free. Never suppress again whatever you want to write. Forget everything else but the stories that deserve to be told. Even those you think are not.