Just for tonight, be mine again

I can see from your eyes how you hard you try to hide those lies

I can feel it in your chest as we’re skin to skin;

your heart no longer beats the way it used to when I am near you.

It used to pound as if it wants to break your rib cage and get out of your chest

just to meet mine and wrap it with the warmth of yours.

I do not have the same effect on you anymore.

Now your heart is calm,

numb,

cold.

I kissed you anyway

But your lips doesn’t taste like your lips.

I felt a pang in my heart,

a punch in the pit of my stomach.

You kissed another girl before me.

I can tell that with the unusual redness and sweetness of your lips.

It was a sickening kind of sweet for I know

it was from the sweetness of the lips of another girl.

But for now,

perhaps for the last time,

let me keep kissing you.

Even until the morning, I’m more than willing to.

For I don’t know when you’ll come home next time again

or if you’ll come home to my arms  ever again.

 

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Babawi

Babawi tayo.

Hindi yung “babawi na talaga ako, pramis” na labas sa ilong.

Yung totoong babawi na kasi gusto nang itama ang mga nakagawiang mali.

Babawi tayo.

Nasa kamay natin ang lubid na siyang kakapitan ng ating nahuhulog na Grado.

Kaya pa natin siyang iligtas.

Babawi tayo.

Hihilahin natin ang lubid pataas.

Kahit dahan-dahan lang muna, basta’t alam nating mahigpit pa rin ang kapit niya.

At kapag nasa taas na siya, sisiguraduhin nating hindi na natin siya ihuhulog pa.

Aalagaan natin siya.

Hanggang sa hindi na natin kakailanganing sabihin pa na:

Babawi tayo.

Sapagka’t alam nating sapat na ang lahat para sa kanya.

 

 

Sobrang sabaw. Ilang araw na lang opisyal nang magsisimula ang prelims week. Sana maging maging sapat ang mga pag-aaral na gagawin ko.

 

You Are My Favorite Song

Everyone has their own favorite song. It’s that song that you’d always play on loop despite the hundreds or thousands of songs on your playlist; it’s that song that you’ll listen to whenever you want, whatever your mood for the day may be; it’s that song that you know by heart; it’s that song that you can always sing along to even when half asleep; it’s that song that your heart can easily recognize even when played in the faintest volume.

 

You are my favorite song

Something I want to keep to myself

Something I want to hide from the world

But at the same time,

I want to shout at the top of my lungs

And tell the world about you

About how beautiful you are

About how you make me feel so alive and special every time I listen to you

You are my sweet escape from this chaotic and noisy world

You deserve attention

And more love

But I love you so much—

So much that I’d rather love you alone

Than share you with the world

I am selfish

You are my sweetest little secret

My favorite song

 

But of course, you can’t listen to just one song forever. There will be times when you have to set aside your favorite song because of some of your new found songs. And you know the nature of people, they love novelty. They are always, always fascinated with anything new. You’ll get fond of some new songs and eventually get sick of it after getting tired of hearing the same thing for days or weeks or months—that’s the cycle—you’ll miss your old favorite song once again so you’ll forget everything else on your playlist, listen to it again and play it on loop as if it’s the only song on your playlist. If you ask me, I find that sweet. It really is, isn’t it? It’s sweet that you have that one special song that you’ll always listen to no matter how many songs the world throws at you. You may get distracted every once in a while but still, you know you’ll always go back to your favorite song—you’ll plug in your earphones, close your eyes, increase the volume, play your favorite song on loop, and let everything around you fade away as you let the music take you to something that is close to a paradise—somewhere only you know; somewhere only that song can take you.

 

You are the human version of my favorite song

I’m not listening to you as often as before

For I’ve found a song that I’ve become so fond of lately

But believe me,

I’ll come back to you

And we’ll go back to the paradise we’ve created for us together

I may have gotten tired of you at some point

But I won’t replace you for another song

I’ll still choose you again and again and again

Because you are my favorite song

 

 

 

Pabigat

Isang araw ay di na ako magiging pabigat sayo.

Isang araw ay tila ba mababawasan na rin ang timbang mo.

Isang araw ay mararamdaman mo rin na gagaan ka ulit.

Isang araw ay hindi na rin ako dadagdag sa timbang mo

dahil sa wakas ay hindi ko na ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko sa’yo.

Pero sa ngayon, magtiyaga ka muna sa bigat ng timbang mo

dahil naniniwala pa rin ako may lugar ako sa’yo.

Kakapit pa rin ako nang mahigpit na mahigpit.

Yayakapin pa rin kita hanggang sa hindi ka na makahinga.

Hahalikan at lalagyan ko ng marka ang bawat parte ng katawan mo.

Masarap kasi sa pakiramdam na maaalala mo ako

sa t’wing titingin ka sa kahit anong parte ng katawan mo.

At syempre susubukan ko pa rin kung

baka kaya,

baka pwede,

na may tiyansang balutin ko na rin ang puso mo.

Nagbabakasakali lang naman.

‘Wag ka na sana magalit sakin.

‘Wag mo na sana ako kamuhian.

Pero sanay naman na talaga ako e.

Sanay na ako na maging isang pabigat lang sa’yo.

Ngunit sana matandaan mo rin noong mga panahon na

kahit anong pagpapaalala nila

na iwasan at tigilan mo ang kung anong mga bawal,

ikaw ang nagdadahilan na

“Wala e, gusto ko kasi e.”

Kaya ‘wag mo isumbat sa’kin na nalinlang ka lang sa tamis,

na kapalit pala ay ang aking pagdating at hindi na pag-alis.

Ikaw ang unang gumusto;

Ikaw ang unang nagpumilit;

Ikaw ang nagsimula;

kaya ikaw rin ang magtapos.

Tanungin mo muna ang sarili mo kung

desidido ka na talagang mawala ako.

Ikaw ang magdesisyon

dahil alam mong patuloy kong ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko

kung hindi ka gagawa ng plano

sa kung paano ako tuluyang maglalaho sa buhay mo,

sa kung paano mo ako mapipilit na tuluyan nang bumitaw sayo.

— Iyong taba


Mema to. No judging HAHA.

Tonight

Few hours ago

I was only writing something on my laptop at a tea shop

When I caught your stray glance

We exchanged a few more glances after that

I can never forget the dangerous yet sexy smirk you had

The next thing I know

I’m under you

Kissing whatever part of your skin

my lips can reach

Sometimes just simply feeling the pleasure you give

while drowning in your kisses

I didn’t know I’d meet a great writer in you

You wrote words on my skin

as if your tongue was a pen

You wrote a story

Something painful

Something maybe as miserable as mine

Suddenly, everything about my man began flashing in my mind

I close my eyes as I remember him

Just tonight

let me be that one sinful woman

For tomorrow morning I’ll be gone

I’ll be back to the cold arms of that man—

My man

My man who’s as disloyal as I am

Just tonight

I’ll let you kiss and lick away all the pain from my man

Sensitive Flesh

 This sensitive flesh in my body

is what every woman is afraid

of having torn

There was one time a guy

tried to reach for it

and enter it

but all I felt was a shattering

kind of pain so I just

decided not to let him

or any other guy to enter it

The pain was already

traumatizing enough

No one has entered

my sensitive flesh completely yet

I’ve always kept it

away from men who would

treat it like a toy just for fun

and for their own satisfaction

I’m a woman and

this sensitive flesh in my body

is not any man’s toy

But there’s this one guy

who have been so persistent

to enter my sensitive flesh

and yes, he was able to

enter a part of him inside it

I was anticipating to feel

the same shattering pain

I felt before

but it didn’t come

He was gentle

He was always cautious

Always afraid to make me feel

any pain , so finally…

I let him completely enter

this sensitive flesh in my body —

I let him completely enter

this sensitive flesh which is my heart

(Posted: July 10, 2015)

I Still Remember

It’s funny how
even the scent of my shampoo
would remind me of you
I still remember how
you would carefully run your fingers
through my curly hair
Then smell it until you have
sniffed every scent left there
It’s funny
and heart breaking –
Funny because
even my hair would remind me of you
Heart breaking because
that’s it… it reminds me of you
but my heart doesn’t want to
remember the traces of you
There are days when
I would still feel warmth while
reminiscing your arm sneaking its way
to wrap around my shoulders
I still remember
how you would
pretend to play with my fingers
and little did I know
you were just looking for
the right time to hold my hand
You were shy, really shy
doing sweet gestures
so I would just pretend
that I didn’t notice
I miss that…
I miss you
But do you know what’s funnier?
I believed them
I believed what they said
That when a guy would cry for you
it means that he’s a keeper
and that he’s also worth keeping
I still remember
you crying every time
I would not reply
to your messages
because you were afraid
that I’m too mad that I would
decide to break up with you
I still remember
I still vividly remember those tears
I still clearly hear your sobs
But your tears didn’t really
attest to any of those
But you know what?
I also remember
how you would
choose to devote your time
to some stupid online games
over me
I also remember
how you would
choose your friends
to hang out with
instead of me
I also remember
how obsessed you are
with some stupid games and dares
I also remember
that you took acting classes
And maybe that’s it
Maybe everything’s just a
stupid dare and you
deceived me with your
great acting skills
I remember
I still remember
how you would just say
“love you” instead of
“I love you”
And maybe I decided to just
ignore it because I did love you
and I didn’t want to believe
that you didn’t love me back
There are days when I would
regret breaking up with you
but I know I did need to
But what’s keeping my feelings inconsistent
is that whenever I would remember
that one time when you whispered
while I was sleeping
or at least pretending to be asleep
I still remember your whisper reeking
with sincerity while saying
“I don’t know why sometimes
this feels real or maybe
I just want it to be real
but I’m just afraid.
I’m scared that these
foreign feelings would
eat me alive…”
But I remember
I still remember
that you added
“I’m sorry but for now this is
just a game for me.”

(July 10, 2015)