#ILLUTION: Illusion of Emotion(s)

Emotions create the greatest illusion.


It’s been a day already but I’m still under the spell of Illution’s magic. I never expected that I’d say this but I’m so proud of being the head writer and one of the directors of Illution. I have a lot of things to say and I honestly don’t know where to begin. But I must say in the span of less than 3 weeks, the preparation for Tanghalang Tikom was such a ride. It really stirred my emotions as I went through highs and lows during the entire pre-production of the play. I’m very grateful for my blockmates’ trust in me to be the head writer of our entry for Tanghalang Tikom which was our finals requirement in our theater class. 

The concept I pitched together with my writing team is about circus/magic. But the class didn’t like the idea. Eventually we focused on the concept of magic. The class still didn’t seem happy with it. It seemed that only a few of us believed in the concept. Even though not the whole class was in favor with the concept, we still pushed for it. We revised the whole story with the help of my co-directors. I’m not sure if it’s all in my head but I could feel that some of my blockmates thought that the concept was too impossible and the story was too simple. During that time I felt so small, especially after our technical dress rehearsal. No one seemed happy with what they’ve seen. Everything was very lacking that time. And because of that I felt that everything was my fault—it was my fault that that’s only the concept I could think of, that’s only how far the story can go. I was honestly confident with the concept at first even if most of the class was against it. But because I could see the disappointment in everyone’s faces that time, or maybe that was the illsuion my emotions create in my head. Idk. But in a short span of time, the execution improved a lot. With that, my confidence with our play sparked again. 

On May 18, day of the play, the first and second run weren’t smooth and there were still a lot of things to improve and work on. I was already losing hope that time. But then the 5pm run happened. AND. IT. WAS. SPECTACULAR. I was moved and I was in awe. The audience, especially our professor who also watched during that time slot seemed impressed just like how we were. For the 7pm run, I delivered a short speech before the actual show. I almost teared up that moment. I was so proud of everyone. Standing on that stage and telling my blockmates how despite everything we went through that at some point we all felt like giving up—we managed to survive; everything was worth it. 

I’m very proud of my blockmates (Emporia Prodcutions). I’ve seen how dedicated and passionate they are in what they do. As most people say, our concept was ambitious. Not only that the concept was about magic but the theme from production design to costume and make up was also avant-garde, but we pulled it off. Being the bida-bida block that we are, we want to bring nothing but a good show for the audiences. And I’m still so amazed with how much effort were poured just to make that play that everyone deemed impossible, possible. Who would’ve thought that the ambitous concept of a magic show for a Tanghalang Tikom play would be possible??? 

I personally went through so much because of this play. I’ve lost faith in myself and I was on my lowest for quite some time. But after I’ve seen how successful Illution is, especially with the good comments and reviews here and there, I’ve gained trust in myself again. If there’s one thing I learned from all of this, it is this:

Even if things seem too impossible, continue to believe even if there’s only a tiny bit of possibility. Even if everyone is against it but you believe in it, keep pushing for it. Because you never know, it might bring magic that no one saw coming. 

Tanghalam Tikom is indeed one for the books. And with this, Illution… is signing off ✨

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(@Taygs_ | Twitter)

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Believing the magic of #ILLUTION

The past weeks has been really stressful for me. Our class is working on a silent play for Tanghalang Tikom. And apparently, I’m the head writer and one of the directors of our play. At first I’m just cool with it. But due to some circumstances, my faith in myself has been tested again. It kept breaking its walls and then trying to rebuilt itself only for it to break again. It’s a never ending cycle of being confident in what I do and getting insecure with my mediocrity. Yesterday, we had a technical dress rehearsal. And I wasn’t satisfied with what I’ve seen. It still seems lacking. And being the insecure shit I am, I’m worried that the story is still very lacking despite all the revisions. I’m so used to writing for myself, just whatever floats my boat. I’m not used to writing what the public would favor. 

Our publicity and promotions team must be doing their job well because for some reason, our play is getting some hype. Some alumni are even interested to watch the play.  And I’m afraid that our play might not reach the expectations of some. What if it doesn’t deserve the hype it’s getting from some people? 

Every time I would give up on writing, I would just tell myself to not mind what the other blocks would come up with. I just want to tell a story. And I did. But then again, I’m worried the the story I want to tell might not be the people’s cup of tea, especially that I could see some of my classmates seem that they didn’t like the concept I came up with to begin with. I even cried after the TDR because I thought that what I’ve written is really mediocre. 

But my classmate, Daphne, was right. I took a risk with that concept. It was such a big risk that most of my classmates didn’t like the idea at first. But I still went for it. My co-directors helped me in improving the story. I remember one of the plays from the previous batch. Apparently, most people didn’t like that play. But I did. I loved the whole concept. And this is the reality. Not everyone might not like our play nor reach their expectations. But some might still love it and have faith in its potential, like I did with that play from the previous batch.

This time, despite all my self doubts and worries, I’ll try my best to have faith in the magic of #ILLUTION. It may not be the best out there, but some people still believe in it’s concept. And so should I. 

Best of luck to Emporia Productions and all the other productions joining this year’s Tanghalang Tikom!

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Ambitious

I always knew this about myself but it was only a few days ago that I realized and put it into words: ambitous. I just have a lot of goals and dreams in life, and for some reason, despite everything, I believe in myself. I believe that after all these failures and slow pace in catching up with everyone else, I’ll get there. I trust myself a lot and I don’t even know where it’s coming from.

We went to Star City after our requirement to watch in Ballet Manila. We tried this thing called Star Frisbee. It turns and sways as it goes higher, and when you reach the top, you’d be turned upside down. But at the peak of the thrilling ride, I just heard myself screaming “magiging successful ako! (I will be successful!)”. And that’s when I fully realized that it’s my top desire in life. I want to be successful. Of course it’s still a long way to go and I still have to experience a lot. But I’m really happy and proud of myself for being more patient these days. I’m slowly starting to enjoy the process. And where else will I learn this? Of course it’s from Day6’s Jae. That dude is such a meme on Twitter but he’s really inspirational when he speaks sincerely.

But going back, I realized a new interest lately: advertising. I’m not sure when exactly it started but I just realized that I’m so passionate and interested when it comes to advertising. It’s the field that I really want to take for my internship. Perhaps for now that’s the goal I have in mind. But my dream is still to be a screenwriter or maybe a movie director. I’m scared though. My passion, interest, and skills match advertising but my personality. Work’s supposed to be 24/7 because you have to be ready anytime of the day. But the whole world knows I hate checking messages; I hate chatting; I hate online conversations. Once I’m home, I want all time for myself. Human interaction is done, I’ve done my part. But then again, the world won’t adjust for me. No more considerations. That is just one of the many things I have to prepare for if I wanted to work in an advertising agency. 

We also have an upcoming project in our Adver class which is making Ad Campaign. I’m really excited to work on it. My groupmates aren’t exactly close with each other but I hope it will be easy to work and collaborate with everyone.

Days of sunshine

Right now my happiness overflows that I feel like it’s already seeping through my skin like sweat. I love this feeling. I love, love, feeling positive emotions. But it’s also scary. Extreme happiness is somewhat unreal to me that when I do feel it, I get anxious in anticipation of the coming of an unpleasant happening. It’s like enjoying a sunny/cloudy day but you know the heavy, dark clouds are just waiting to spread across the sky, then comes the downpour of rain. But right now, I honestly don’t want to think of anything else. I just want to savour this happiness. If it shall rain the next day, let it. It will pass. The important thing is that prior to the rainy days, I’ve truly enjoyed the sunshine instead of worrying over the coming the rain.