Babawi

Babawi tayo.

Hindi yung “babawi na talaga ako, pramis” na labas sa ilong.

Yung totoong babawi na kasi gusto nang itama ang mga nakagawiang mali.

Babawi tayo.

Nasa kamay natin ang lubid na siyang kakapitan ng ating nahuhulog na Grado.

Kaya pa natin siyang iligtas.

Babawi tayo.

Hihilahin natin ang lubid pataas.

Kahit dahan-dahan lang muna, basta’t alam nating mahigpit pa rin ang kapit niya.

At kapag nasa taas na siya, sisiguraduhin nating hindi na natin siya ihuhulog pa.

Aalagaan natin siya.

Hanggang sa hindi na natin kakailanganing sabihin pa na:

Babawi tayo.

Sapagka’t alam nating sapat na ang lahat para sa kanya.

 

 

Sobrang sabaw. Ilang araw na lang opisyal nang magsisimula ang prelims week. Sana maging maging sapat ang mga pag-aaral na gagawin ko.

 

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Pabigat

Isang araw ay di na ako magiging pabigat sayo.

Isang araw ay tila ba mababawasan na rin ang timbang mo.

Isang araw ay mararamdaman mo rin na gagaan ka ulit.

Isang araw ay hindi na rin ako dadagdag sa timbang mo

dahil sa wakas ay hindi ko na ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko sa’yo.

Pero sa ngayon, magtiyaga ka muna sa bigat ng timbang mo

dahil naniniwala pa rin ako may lugar ako sa’yo.

Kakapit pa rin ako nang mahigpit na mahigpit.

Yayakapin pa rin kita hanggang sa hindi ka na makahinga.

Hahalikan at lalagyan ko ng marka ang bawat parte ng katawan mo.

Masarap kasi sa pakiramdam na maaalala mo ako

sa t’wing titingin ka sa kahit anong parte ng katawan mo.

At syempre susubukan ko pa rin kung

baka kaya,

baka pwede,

na may tiyansang balutin ko na rin ang puso mo.

Nagbabakasakali lang naman.

‘Wag ka na sana magalit sakin.

‘Wag mo na sana ako kamuhian.

Pero sanay naman na talaga ako e.

Sanay na ako na maging isang pabigat lang sa’yo.

Ngunit sana matandaan mo rin noong mga panahon na

kahit anong pagpapaalala nila

na iwasan at tigilan mo ang kung anong mga bawal,

ikaw ang nagdadahilan na

“Wala e, gusto ko kasi e.”

Kaya ‘wag mo isumbat sa’kin na nalinlang ka lang sa tamis,

na kapalit pala ay ang aking pagdating at hindi na pag-alis.

Ikaw ang unang gumusto;

Ikaw ang unang nagpumilit;

Ikaw ang nagsimula;

kaya ikaw rin ang magtapos.

Tanungin mo muna ang sarili mo kung

desidido ka na talagang mawala ako.

Ikaw ang magdesisyon

dahil alam mong patuloy kong ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko

kung hindi ka gagawa ng plano

sa kung paano ako tuluyang maglalaho sa buhay mo,

sa kung paano mo ako mapipilit na tuluyan nang bumitaw sayo.

— Iyong taba


Mema to. No judging HAHA.

Sensitive Flesh

 This sensitive flesh in my body

is what every woman is afraid

of having torn

There was one time a guy

tried to reach for it

and enter it

but all I felt was a shattering

kind of pain so I just

decided not to let him

or any other guy to enter it

The pain was already

traumatizing enough

No one has entered

my sensitive flesh completely yet

I’ve always kept it

away from men who would

treat it like a toy just for fun

and for their own satisfaction

I’m a woman and

this sensitive flesh in my body

is not any man’s toy

But there’s this one guy

who have been so persistent

to enter my sensitive flesh

and yes, he was able to

enter a part of him inside it

I was anticipating to feel

the same shattering pain

I felt before

but it didn’t come

He was gentle

He was always cautious

Always afraid to make me feel

any pain , so finally…

I let him completely enter

this sensitive flesh in my body —

I let him completely enter

this sensitive flesh which is my heart

(Posted: July 10, 2015)

I Still Remember

It’s funny how
even the scent of my shampoo
would remind me of you
I still remember how
you would carefully run your fingers
through my curly hair
Then smell it until you have
sniffed every scent left there
It’s funny
and heart breaking –
Funny because
even my hair would remind me of you
Heart breaking because
that’s it… it reminds me of you
but my heart doesn’t want to
remember the traces of you
There are days when
I would still feel warmth while
reminiscing your arm sneaking its way
to wrap around my shoulders
I still remember
how you would
pretend to play with my fingers
and little did I know
you were just looking for
the right time to hold my hand
You were shy, really shy
doing sweet gestures
so I would just pretend
that I didn’t notice
I miss that…
I miss you
But do you know what’s funnier?
I believed them
I believed what they said
That when a guy would cry for you
it means that he’s a keeper
and that he’s also worth keeping
I still remember
you crying every time
I would not reply
to your messages
because you were afraid
that I’m too mad that I would
decide to break up with you
I still remember
I still vividly remember those tears
I still clearly hear your sobs
But your tears didn’t really
attest to any of those
But you know what?
I also remember
how you would
choose to devote your time
to some stupid online games
over me
I also remember
how you would
choose your friends
to hang out with
instead of me
I also remember
how obsessed you are
with some stupid games and dares
I also remember
that you took acting classes
And maybe that’s it
Maybe everything’s just a
stupid dare and you
deceived me with your
great acting skills
I remember
I still remember
how you would just say
“love you” instead of
“I love you”
And maybe I decided to just
ignore it because I did love you
and I didn’t want to believe
that you didn’t love me back
There are days when I would
regret breaking up with you
but I know I did need to
But what’s keeping my feelings inconsistent
is that whenever I would remember
that one time when you whispered
while I was sleeping
or at least pretending to be asleep
I still remember your whisper reeking
with sincerity while saying
“I don’t know why sometimes
this feels real or maybe
I just want it to be real
but I’m just afraid.
I’m scared that these
foreign feelings would
eat me alive…”
But I remember
I still remember
that you added
“I’m sorry but for now this is
just a game for me.”

(July 10, 2015)